09 July 2012

It's not been a great couple of days...

I'm sitting here in the office with the keyboard in my lap because the edge of my desk hurts my wrists after a few minutes. I'm wearing my headphones and playing Nine Inch Nails Ghosts album on a playlist in an attempt to drown out the noise that I practically deal with 90% of the time I'm home.

I was going to write the next part of this entry as a handful of posts to my Twitter feed. I did it once before, but it was back when I had next to no real followers (just the usual follow-back types), and I was on vacation with only my phone, so it was actually very practical. Now, though, Twitter's a different animal for me, and in a good way, albeit it means sitting at a desk for writing longer entries.

These last few days have been very stressful for me for a number of reasons. In all, the months of April and June (with the surrounding months) haven't exactly been on my good side for a number of years. June of 2000 was when my parents divorced, and April is when I've lost most of my past jobs, even the ones I really liked. Seriously, when I was given the news by the cell carrier I worked for, and they asked if I had anything to say before they showed me the door, I honestly said I wanted to go back to my desk and return to work, that's what a simp I can be sometimes. As such, it's also around this time I end up moving, which has been at least every year or every other year since 2000.

I wasn't fired this year, fortunately, which makes this the longest job I've held since the retail gig I had in high school and the first half of college. However, while I won't be moving, I did have to renew my lease, which involved disclosing a lot of personal information to the landlord (and landlord's bosses) to make sure my roommate and I aren't wealthier than we claim to be so we can stay. In fact, my roommate got a call from them asking about an "inconsistency" we've clarified for them twice before. Here's the tweets I would have sent (with a few embellishments due to character limits):

* Renewing my lease was a huge pain because my roomie's finances are an enigma wrapped in a conundrum and the only reason it's like that...

* is because she leaves all her money matters to her sister who, to put it nicely, is a financial moron with sticky fingers (borrows, then swears to pay back, but only will when practically bullied) and borderline paranoia.

* Couple all this with the sheer annoyance that is my roommate's inability to speak at a normal volume during her daily 14hr Massively Multiplayer Online Game sessions...

* and I have virtually no sense of personal space in my own residence. If I really want it, I've got to turn off my phone and get in my car.

* though that's hardly a temporary respite because she's co-bloody-dependent and can't do hardly a damn thing for herself unless I scold her like a child.

* The worst part is I held off on renewing the lease because I was seriously considering my options for kicking her out.

A few weeks ago, we had a discussion about trust in the wake of an incident in which it was basically trampled because she has no self control, and any attempt to confront her about any of her more unhealthy behaviors and try to discuss them end with her insisting there's nothing she can do about it and that I essentially have no choice but to accept them. While we did manage to reach a reasonable compromise that would serve as a stepping stone to full reconciliation, it recently broke down again and I found myself playing a parental role to someone older and more life-experienced than me, which doesn't help my long-held sentiment that I'm not father material.

To cap it off, her sleep cycle has reached that point where her day is my night, so my sleep has been interrupted through the night by screaming and yelling that isn't at all muffled by two doors and at least as many walls. This also includes the span of time when I get home from work (where I wear earplugs because I'm an arm's reach away from a bay of industrial presses).

If you're wondering exactly how someone gets to this point in their life where they're in this kind of living situation, I'll sum up the pretext by saying it's a long and complicated story and that the important thing to walk away with from it is that simply uttering the phrase, "Shape up or ship out!" to those it applies to isn't as easily done as said in the worst possible way.

I feel a little better now. I'm almost considering not publishing this, just letting it serve as catharsis and hopefully getting a decent night's sleep, ultimately waking up feeling completely fine. The only reason I'm going to go ahead and post this is because I've fallen into that trap before, and I've decided it's not healthy to just ignore and bury things that bother me (SEE PREVIOUS ENTRY).

The best part is that I talked myself out of a drink before coming in here to write this for a change. I consider that a moral victory.

Goodnight, and good luck.
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