29 June 2013

End of June


I really hate this mindset I’ve been in these past few weeks where I simply don’t feel like working on anything. I’ve hammered out a few small pieces the last few days, but I spent far too much time on them. There’s no shortage of projects; that’s thankfully never been an issue for me. I don’t think it’s a motivation issue as I like to think that source is equally inexhaustible. I get a satisfactory level of feedback on my work and I’m nothing if not appreciative of it. Lately though, I’ve felt tense and angsty, irritable and drained, and all around deflated. Maybe it’s merely this month, as June and October (for some odd reason) tend to be very hectic months for me, but I don’t like having these “down & draining" periods those months or any other time. It’s easy to break a routine, especially a productive one, and end up with what I’ve heard wrestlers call Ring Rot, essentially falling out of practice and having to start from the bottom all over again.
As I said in my post about Trigger Warnings, I do not suffer from depression. I am depressed at times, but nothing I’d call manic or even debilitating. Then again, I’m not a therapist. Maybe I’ve been unconsciously self-medicating a condition I don’t fully understand.
Maybe my art, my “therapy" as I’ve called it for years, isn’t working anymore.
Maybe I’m realizing that, in the grand scheme of things, I have no idea what I want.
Maybe I simply need to take a break.
I don’t know.
I should get some sleep. I’ve got a big day tomorrow I’m looking forward to, and hopefully things will start to look up after that.
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