Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts

28 June 2025

Boof Jark: My AI Pledge


A wise man once said that one man’s software is another man’s AI. As such, it’s important we establish some kind of clear, working definition of what’s being referred to when it comes to AI-generated content. For example, the ghosts in Pac-Man are AI. That’s not what we’re talking about. Spellcheck is arguably a kind of AI, but it’s not what we’re talking about, and I’ll even give a pass to predictive text for reasons that will hopefully become clear as we progress. Case in point, I only had to write “prog” and follow it up with the tab key to write the rest of “progress”. Another writing tool I feel I should disclose use of is an oldie called Grammatik. It launched around 1981 by Aspen Software before eventually being absorbed into Corel's WordPerfect, which was how I was introduced to it circa mid 1990’s. Bear in mind, this was not a Large Language Model trained on all the text in the world. I have absolutely no idea how it worked, but it’s not important because outside of obvious things like run-ons caused by a misplaced period, I never relied on it more than I trusted my own two eyes giving my paper a once-over (and that was only the first line of defense). It was also oddly fixated on the idea of passive voice, a grammatical concept that I think I understand and I know I’ve had explained to me countless times, but I couldn’t spot it in the wild or stop myself from writing it if my life depended on it. If anyone knows a really good mnemonic for it, I’d love to hear it. It’s also worth noting that Grammatik couldn’t really learn as you wrote. At best, you could tell it what to ignore, but it wouldn’t remember what you told it to ignore the next time you reopened the document, so it was only useful if you wrote in crazy, uninterrupted marathon sessions a la Jack Kerouac. Most importantly, Grammatik couldn’t offer suggestions for how to revise something beyond “You’ve started every sentence in this paragraph with the same word. Avoid repetition.”, it certainly couldn’t offer suggestions about tone, and it definitely could not fabricate a full essay on my behalf from a briefly descriptive prompt. I was still doing the work, and that’s the key distinction to keep in mind. 

To put it another way: Who is driving the car? The one in the driver’s seat with the wheel in hand, or the one in the passenger seat giving directions? The officer who pulled you over already knows, but he’d really like to hear it from you. 

I don’t know if it was on Medium or Substack where I saw about a half-dozen AI generated images in a row while scrolling and saw red for a moment before closing the tab, toppling a chair, and storming out of the room grumbling about the decline of Western Civilization. That’s a slight exaggeration; I would never do that to a perfectly innocent chair. Besides, the last thing you want is to make a chair mad at you. They won’t stand for it. 

What upsets me most about this trend is the fact that these writers are often the first, loudest, and yet most eloquent at bemoaning the fates and predicaments of artists, creatives, and professionals in general in the face of this ever-changing landscape that AI is slowly consuming. It makes me want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them like they’re the first character to go hysterical in a disaster movie, and scream, “YOU ARE NOT HELPING!” and finish off with a slap across the cheek. For the record, I have the kind of upper body strength that makes Mr. Burns look like Sugar Ray Leonard at the height of his career, so if you’re afraid of this potentially becoming reality for you, rest assured you’ll barely feel a stiff breeze. I’ll also likely collapse from the exertion while breathily asking if you’ve had enough, so the only pain you’re guaranteed to feel in the whole ordeal is the pain in your sides from laughing.

I made a note on Substack (their version of a Tweet) to essentially complain and vent, vowing that if I saw an AI header image to an article, I wasn’t going to read it. I wasn’t addressing anyone in particular; it was not about naming and shaming. As you may have heard from your parents at one point while disciplining you, I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at what happened. Moreover, I'm saying this because I want you to do better, and I know you’re more than capable of it, whatever your self-doubt is saying about you right now. 

As for doing better, these are your options.
  1. Learn to draw and/or take photos. 
  2. Use a stock image service; you’ll be paying real artists or at least using works volunteered by willing artists. 
  3. Commission a human artist directly. 
This is the part where I acknowledge that I am fully aware of the potential pitfall of my pledge in that I may well mistake something genuine for something AI-generated, therefore missing out on something authentic, inspiring, compelling, and any other praise I could throw at it. That said, let’s be real, a lot of what we collectively refer to as AI Slop is pretty samey. I think the best description I ever heard for it is, “Well-rendered but badly-drawn” with tells such as heavily-detailed shading and color gradients while the proper lacing of shoes and/or number of fingers on a hand is spotty at best. Basically, a painterly once-over of a hasty sketch. Even more basically, polished shit. There are other descriptors, but these are the most polite. 

“Well, those AI generators can make some really photorealistic results that are harder to detect, especially if you know how to—“ 

If you’re willing to put that much effort into hiding your use of AI, you have even less of an excuse to not employ any of the alternatives I’ve listed. 

Before I go, I’ll reward you for getting this far with an explanation of just what in Hel’s Realm Boof Jark is. I don’t know where it was posted, maybe Instagram or LinkedIn, but it was an image of two boats on the shore of a deserted island, one filled with fruits and vegetables (along with eggs and a rooster because MidJourney doesn't know how poultry reproduction works), the other filled with all manner of meats, including a package of Boof Jark. I mean, you seriously couldn’t be bothered to take the most basic pen tool and write some block letters on a white box? 

Speaking of handwriting, which I’m notably not using for this, I’ll close with a story about Bob Ross. He once received a letter from a fan saddened that he couldn’t follow along with the painting sessions because his hands shook too much. Bob Ross, being the absolute legend that is Bob Ross, assured this person, “Well, then you can draw trees better than I can, because trees are rarely straight.”

Behind the Scenes


10 January 2013

Princess Discipline (Free Preview)





ARGUMENT: The following story contains scenes which may be unsuitable for those of sensitive dispositions or ideologies (though frankly, Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew is racier). Despite the subject matter, it is at least a conceit, and should at most be taken as a fable wherein the sexes and genders of the characters therein are ultimately irrelevant.

I. I'd better knock, I suppose. 
The ride was rough, hardly to her ladyship's liking. Then again, anything that wasn't a flying carpet, which the royal scholars continually insisted to her highness were impossible, was not to her ladyship's liking. The worst part of the trek was that the coach driver only left her outside the gatehouse of the marquis' manor without so much as announcing her presence. In fact, she'd hardly had a chance to step down properly from the coach before he took off, causing her to trip. After collecting herself, straightening her hood, and dusting off her blue dress, she looked around to see if anything had fallen. Luckily, the only thing dropped was a brown envelope her father gave her before sending her off. 
She turned the letter of introduction over and over again in her hands, the wax seal embossed with her father's signet ring staring back at her. She could tell he'd practically punched a hole in his desk sealing it, as if knowing his anger and disappointment would embed itself in the wax and scream all that he wanted to say to her on his behalf. She considered breaking the seal to see exactly what the letter said. She had an idea of what it might have said, and certainly knew why she was being sent to the Marquis, even if she didn't see the issue with importuning daily the royal scholars on the practicality of flying carpets, among other things. 
Thinking better of prying, confident that her father would not dare speak ill of her behind her back, she tucked the letter into the inner pocket of her hooded cape, and approached the gatehouse's wrought iron bars. There was no light emanating from inside the gatehouse, and some of the windows were cracked. In all, the entire facade seemed laughable, not just for the disrepair and clear abandonment, but also for the bars of the gate being spaced quite far apart. It was still something of a squeeze for her to get through, though that was mostly because of her dress, which she stopped to adjust again on the other side. She stood staring at the manor house, which sat atop a small hill surrounded by broken grave markers. Even in the late afternoon's light, it was hardly cozy or inviting in appearance. The princess wasn't going to let that get to her, so she cast aside her fear and unease, straightened up, and nobly strut toward the main entrance, holding her head high and confidently. She only broke pace to lift up her dress and navigate the rather awkwardly-assembled stairs put into the hillside. At the top, instead of simply a short and straight path to the door, there was a sort of lip made of discarded masonry running across the path in front of the main door. When she approached it, she could see that between the stones and the door was a rather ornate red carpet that seemed most out of place. She leaned over and studied the weaving. It was immaculate, without a hint of having been left to the elements. She wondered if they'd simply thrown it out, leaving it for a servant to take away somewhere, but that wouldn't explain the row of stones. Speaking of which, the princess' dress made it rather hard for her to step over the stones. Unfortunately, a quick glance around revealed the entire perimeter of the house to be surrounded by a tall fence, bars far too narrow to squeeze through, making this the only practical path inside. The princess huffed at the inconvenience, and took the obstacle as a challenge. 
She stepped back, knelt slightly, braced herself, and leaped over the stones in a triumphant sprint. She would have landed quite softly on the ornate red carpet in front of her if it hadn't given way beneath her feet, coming up all around her as she fell into the hole it had been covering, almost muffling her surprised scream.
 
Another version of her entry goes thusly:
The doors were very tall and seemed far too heavy to be opened by one person. It seemed almost pointless to knock. She remembered leaving her room once without telling anyone, then coming back just in time to catch one of her handmaids tapping gently on her door with one finger and counting that as making an effort to deliver the princess a message she really didn't want to deliver. Now, the lady found herself in the exact same position, racking her brain for an excuse not to enter, trying to think of how to make it look like she'd tried to make her presence known. She almost regretted having that handmaid thrown in the dungeon for a month. She looked around, thinking in vain that she'd spot someone trying to catch her in the act as she had the other day. Finally, she took a deep breath, raised her hand, and brought down a fist on the door. She did this twice more and waited. She pressed an ear up against the door to try and listen for the footsteps of a servant, hearing none. The moment she stepped back, there was a sudden creaking as the door opened very slowly, stopping when it was just ajar enough that whoever opened it could peer out and greet a guest. Nothing of the sort happened, and the princess stared at the crack angrily, resenting that she'd have to squeeze through it as she'd done with the gate. She let out a groan and stomped toward the door, stopping suddenly to lean forward and peer inside. It was almost totally dark, except for a circle of light a short distance into the foyer, a patch of red carpet lit overhead by a chandelier surrounded by a cowl of iron plates to focus the light downward. As peculiar as it was, it was the most inviting part of her ordeal thus far, and she took it as a cue to step inside. She didn't bother trying to close the door behind her and walked toward the light, her heels making muffled footfalls on the red carpet. 
As she got closer, she saw that the spotlight was on a high, narrow table, curiously surrounded by a haphazard assortment of silken pillows on the floor. The princess lifted her skirt and carefully stepped over them as she made her way to the table. She stopped in front of it, and took stock of the items on it. There was a glass goblet, a silver tray with a piece of parchment on it, and a green bottle containing what she guessed was wine. She looked around, finding no one, then turned her attention back to the bottle as a mischievous grin spread across her face. Suddenly, she felt this trip just got interesting. Her father had expressly forbid her so much as a sip of champagne on the first day of the new year, and now she was being presented with a full bottle of wine. She tossed the letter of introduction on the tray and reached for the bottle. She started to pull out the cork to take a sniff when she noticed the piece of parchment on the tray, peering out from under the letter. It wasn't in an envelope, and it most certainly didn't have a seal carrying parental dismay, all of which was more than enough reason for her to pull it out from under the letter and see what it had to say. 
The note only said two words, "Drink Up." She felt she should have been offended at the commanding tone, but decided to take it for the invitation that it was. Tossing the note aside, she uncorked the flask, poured herself a glass, pinched the stem with her thumb and forefinger whilst firmly extending her pinky, took a dainty little sniff, and finally gulped the entire goblet's worth of wine. She put the bottle and glass down, then folded her arms and thought a moment, attempting to reconcile the sweet bouquet she'd sniffed and the dry bitterness she swallowed, only for her thoughts to suddenly get very muddled. She put a hand to her temple and shut her eyes, trying to think straight. She knew she'd get a bit woozy from the drink, but not so quickly, certainly not so severely. She tried to open her eyes, but found it difficult, as though they were weighed down. It was all she could do to squint, just barely making out the table in front of her, which suddenly rocked back and forth in front of her. She reached out a hand to grasp the table and stop its aberrant behavior, her thoughts too slow to realize she was losing her balance. 
She was out cold before her head hit the pillows.
There is yet another version detailing her entry. It involves the dropping of a net, but it's hardly worth exploring.


II. You're a Feisty Little One...
The princess awoke to a nightmarish image of her own body floating sideways before her in a void, head and arms missing. The entire blurry spectacle was framed by curious gray bars flecked in reddish-brown spots. She even saw what she thought were her own legs walking back and forth behind her favorite blue dress, as if searching for their fellow missing limbs. She tried calling out, but words failed her, and even the thought of her own second-guessing of talking to a pair of disembodied legs made her temples pulse with pain. The dizziness became unbearable. She tried to make herself calm, but thinking the very word made her feel anything but. The legs walked in front of the dress, revealing a dark shape, almost cloud-like, hovering over them, blotting out the dismembered body behind it. The blur got worse and there was an overwhelming sensation of falling over. The princess closed her eyes, feeling nothingness envelop her, casting aside all sensations.END OF PREVIEW

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